IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord , your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more

If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say 'I love you,'
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I'm sure you'll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there's always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will l always be another day
to say 'I love you,'
And certainly there's another chance
to say our 'Anything I can do?'

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,

That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out t o be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear

Take time to say 'I'm sorry,'
'Please forgive me,' 'Thank you,' or 'It's okay.'
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today. 


 

 

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Amerie - 1 Thing

Hi all, i have some messages saying that they want to chat or be friends but when i try to see profile or press to chat i cant because they are made private, i would love to chat (hey im a woman lol) but unless you let me answer you, i cant..

Tomorrow is another day, recieved your message today, cant reply though for that reason, so if you staill want to you need to make it so others can get in touch or send msn addy, lol take care all. have fun.

 

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE



1920's, 30's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !


First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.



 

   

   

   

   

   

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.



Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Steers, Nandos.





Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!



We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.





We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Chappies, Wilson 's Toffees, Wicks Bubble Gum and some crackers to blow up frogs with.



 
 

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

And YOU are one of them!

   

   

Well nothing been happening in my life these past few days, as you can see ive just updated with pics or jokes, nothing much to tell.

My good friends mum died 1st october, so really sad. lovely lady too. funeral next friday. i will attend but im afraid of what it might be like..

You see last time i was at the very same crematorium i was putting my dad to rest.. and the time before that i put my mum to rest.

All the old feelings will resurface i know they will, time heals but you never forget.

there has been many times i have wished my mum back, she was my friend, guardian my saviour, My mentor, but thats my mum, ive also wished for my dad back.... you know ive seen him walking round the town center before now????? dunno how but i swear it was him. i had to do a double take one day i was so sure, but it couldnt of been, my dad died, he was cremated, i saw him and kissed his forehead.

Funny how the mind works, maybe its like the sub concious, if you wish hard enough they come true, but kinda only in your thoughts and illucinations.

well will see what friday brings, its not about me its about being there for my good buddy. just letting him know that im there and offer support if he needs it.

Scary though.

Im off up to my 8 year olds school @ 11.30am. its something to do with his work, i think its about he is behind so they will offer support for him. anything that helps im up for it.

Then at 12.15 going to have my hair done. boring day or what. oh forgot to mention been gym this morning it was ok only 3 of us in there so it was quiet. right when i get back from hairdressers it will be quick tidy round go collect kids from school at 3.15, home for 3.40 and sort summat out for tea (how sad is this)

kids will play till their dad gets in, then have tea, play some more ill do spellings with my youngest (almost 7) Then about 7.30 ill take my partner to town as he plays dart for a team, as you my know from previous blog. then ill get back put kids to bed and get wrecked as my mate should be coming up and he is my karaoke partner hehe, sorry. we love it got all the singstars and loads of sunfly stuff, just wish i could turn up the volume and sing my heart out, i could wish i was at wembley ha ha. well thats about it, proberbly wake tomorrow with pounding head ache but saying that i havent suffered with a hangover for ages now so fingeres crossed.

Now that i have bored you with my sad little life, im off. gonna make a coffee and read paper before i have to go up the school. So tc everyone and dont do nothing i wouldnt.................dont leave much....

 

Help I'm stuck

A man is driving along the motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. During the drive, the wife gets an idea. She starts taking off her clothing piece by piece and tossing them out the window.

The guy is shocked but aroused. She gets her shoes, socks, etc. and chucks them out. Finally, she whips her underwear off and throws it all out onto the motorway. The guy is laughing and leering at her. He looses control of the car in the process and crashes into a barrier at the side.

Unfortunately, the air-bag doesn't go off on his side, and he finds himself wedged in under the steering wheel. "Help, go get help......aggghhhh, I'm stuck", he shouts.

"But I have no clothes on. What'll I do ?", she screams.

"Here", he says wiggling his foot, "Take my shoe and put it over your crotch. It'll have to do, love. Quick, hurry!"

She takes the shoe off his foot and places it over her crotch and gets out of the car, limping and shouting for help. After a few hundred yards of yelling and running a trucker notices this naked hysterical woman holding a shoe over her crotch, and pulls over.

"What's seems to be the trouble?", he asks.

"Help me", she screams, "My husband is stuck".

"If he's stuck up that far I'm afraid I can't help you." ..............................

 

 

Mirror mirror on the door

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".

Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fall off.

 

 

A nun gets into a cab and the driver keeps staring at her through the rear view mirror. "You know, Sister," the cab driver says, "I hope you aren't too offended, but I've always had this fantasy of getting a blowjob from a nun."

The nun thinks for a moment and says, "I'm not too offended. I just have two requirements. One, that you be single, and two, that you be Catholic."

"Oh yes, Sister, I am single and Catholic," the cab drive replies, so they pull into an alley and the nun proceeds to satisfy the cab driver orally. After they're done, the cab driver begins laughing.

"What's so funny?" the nun asks. "Ha ha!" the cab driver annnounces, "I fooled you sister. The truth is I'm really married and I'm Jewish!"

"That's okay," the nun replies, "My name is Bob and I'm on my way to a fancy dress party."

 

The Perfect Man

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her ad but met someone perfect at her door one day.

The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says, "What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell didn't I?"

 

 

The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking around his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes.

One of the old villagers came up to him and said. "Good morning, Vicar, how be you and the wife?"

The Vicar said, "Good morning my man, I am fine, the wife is fine also. I left her in bed smoking."

The villager said, "Arr, Vicar, that's the way to fuck 'em!"

 

Chunks

Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness.

They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."

The second guy said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don't even have insurance!"

The third guy proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"

The room was silent for a moment.

Then, the first guy spoke out again, "Listen, guys, I don't think you understand...

Chunks is my dog."

 

 

 

Try this test. answer the best you cn, the answers are printed further down the page so be sure not to cheat. just try it out first without cheating and you will be surprised...

FIRST QUESTION: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
SECOND QUESTION: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
THIRD QUESTION: Very tricky maths. Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Take 1000 and add 40. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
FOURTH QUESTION: Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answers below

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?

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?

 

Q1: If you answered that by overtaking the second person you were first, you were absolutely wrong. If you overtake the second person and take his place, you are second.
Q2. Can you please explain how you can overtake the LAST person?
Q3 I'm afraid I answered 5000 to this question: I may have to ban myself from watching the programme. The correct answer is actually 4100. Check with your calculator.
Q4 Nunu? Nana? Nene? Of course not. The fifth daughter's name is Mary.

 

Virus warning

Be careful- these are following in the wake of the 'I Love You' virus and are potentially damaging:

The Manchester United virus:
Your PC develops a disorder whereby the memory forgets everything before 1993.

The Man United shirt virus:
This one is especially hard to detect as it changes its format every 3 months.

The Schmeichel virus:
Your PC develops a hideous, large red dot in the middle of the screen.

The David Beckham virus:
The lights on your PC are all on but nothing works.

The Roy Keane virus:
Throws you out of Windows.

The Alex Ferguson virus:
Your PC develops a continuous whining noise.

The Andy Cole virus:
Your PC is unable to get anything into the inbox

The Massimo Taibi virus:
You just can't save anything.

The Ryan Giggs virus:
Makes your computer think it's better than it actually is.

These are less virulent, but still wise to keep an eye on them:

The Ian Walker virus:
Your PC will act as though it will save something, but let you down at the last minute.

The David Ginola virus:
Computer pretends to go down, but then boots back up and is OK.

The Stan Collymore virus:
Luckily this one doesn't actually work, but sometimes boots up some Swedish computers.

The Glenn Hoddle virus:
Disables your PC, blames it all on its previous life as a calculator.

The Tony Adams/Rio Ferdinand virus:
All drive privileges lost.

The Bradford City virus:
Makes you think it will go down but presses escape at the last minute.

Vaseline

Roger is buying his cousin's used motorcycle. He says, "My God, it's so shiny! It's like new! What's your secret?"

His cousin says, "Well, any time it's about to rain, I coat the chrome with some Vaseline so it won't tarnish. In fact, I won't be needing this any longer, take my pot."

Roger and his girlfriend are going to her parents' house for dinner for the first time, so he goes to pick her up on the motorcycle. As she's getting on the bike behind him, she says, "Listen, I have to tell you something. My family's a little strange. You can't talk during dinner. If you talk during dinner, you have to do the dishes.

" When they walk into her parents' house, not only in the kitchen, but in the dining room, the living room, on the stairs, the back porch, everywhere, there are piles and piles of dirty dishes. They haven't done the dishes in months.

They sit down to eat, and the whole meal, nobody talks. It's the end of the meal, Roger is getting a little horny, and he figures nobody is going to say anything, so he grabs his girlfriend, and pops! her right there on the dining room table.

Nobody says nothing. He's still a little horny, and her mother is kind of cute, so he figures, "What the hell?" He throws her mother up on the table and starts to do her. He's just about done with her, when he looks out the window and sees it's starting to rain on his motorcycle.

He reaches into his pocket and takes out the tube of Vaseline. Her father jumps up and says, "All right, all right, I'll do the fucking dishes."

where presentation was held